I can only speak for myself but maybe you can relate. In order to achieve intimacy, you or I, it takes a bit of self-inventory. The consequences of not doing it are more trouble and heartbreak and none of us needs that. The inventory consists of;
*How am a feeling about a new partner? (positive, negative, cynical or hopeful?)
*What are my habitual thoughts about the matter? Am I fixated on one or two specific people? Have I fixated on a certain type about which I’m fantasizing?
*Am I in it for love and am I trying to rationalize superficial motives because I don’t really believe it’s possible?
I’ll answer my own question. I’m in it for love; friendship and sex with love are my main motivations. But I hate the third question because the truth is, I feel unloveable and unappreciated based on my natural traits because I’m so different and too intimidating for possibly any man. What always occurs for me is a man is attracted to my looks but when they talk to me and get to know me they go away because I’m a free spirit, smart, and won’t be controlled. I’m not defensive about it but calm which is even worse right? So, that’s unloveable on this planet. I’m not capable of being a compliant woman with the social order. I have my own order and it’s creative. I love what I’ve created for my life and it’s my solace.
Friendship includes someone to talk to with whom I can relax. We get each other. It’s not like climbing a mountain to communicate and no one is overdramatic. There may be a bit of contention which is common but overall, you enjoy talking to each other and being together. Sex is just a pleasure and very healthy. That one is easy.
There are all kinds of studies showing that humans who receive no touch or intimacy decline in health. Shallow sex is also bad for the psyche because it lacks emotional bonding that we all need. I’m actually concerned about that for myself. But studies also show that what ages and brings down the health of women the quickest is living with a man! That sounds ironic but…
Obviously, living with the wrong man is what they mean. The wrong man is the one you’re not compatible with during normal hours, not just sex. The right man is your best friend. You’re very fortunate if you find it.