Essay; When a Man Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship…

It means no woman has ever loved him enough to show him what a loving relationship is with the right woman. And on a base level, he can’t want a relationship if he doesn’t really know what it is. She has to be diligent and willing to do the work. She has to understand that men cannot be expected to understand intimacy because they’re not women and they’re not gay. You have to teach them. If you’re not willing to do that then you’ll never get what you’re seeking with a straight man or you will remain single. I know I was not willing to work on a man in my youth and paid the price by not picking the best father for my child. The training part comes from a woman if he shows some attraction to you. Men do not naturally understand love from the heart. They understand love from the body.

The next big question is, as a woman, do you know what intimacy is? Are you good at bonding? Not all women are even though we’re hard-wired for it. Everyone knows women excel at relationships, talking, communicating, bonding, and intimacy. Everyone also knows men have no clue. Men are naturally polyamorous wanting the next woman in heat unless they’re loved somewhere else. In no way should women be in denial about this. Men have not evolved to understand any of this. Men are waiting to be wanted and loved like a stray dog unless they are completely wounded and cynical by their upbringing. In that case, look elsewhere. Also, they can tell whether you really want them or not if your intention is just to use him. Of course, some women who aren’t good at bonding, do that and then it’s just hook-up after hook-up by two wounded people.

If you know you are in love with a man, you’re going to have to subtly show him on many different levels what love with you could mean for him. Would he want that? What are you bringing to the table? Only start this if you are sure you want to hook him. If you hook him and try to throw him back in when he’s already jumped on your hook, you’ll break his heart and he’ll never recover. That is bad karma for women.

The tricky part is to make sure the really good ones are trainable. The good ones are usually very intelligent, successful, confident, clean looking, and healthy. They know how to take care of themselves. I would say 80% of men are none of that and I refuse to deal with them. At the age of 57, only 5% are available or widowed.

It’s a roaring crapshoot to say whether or not a successful man at 57 who has never married or had children is trainable or not. And if he’s never been in a successful, committed relationship and reproduced, can he be considered successful? If he’s been in a couple long term monogamous relationships I count that as marriage whether it was formalized or not. The paper doesn’t matter. But not having children and knowing how to parent is very, very suspect to most women.

It might be high time he found a dog house and someone to sleep with at night. It’s just that no woman could ever put up with some of his traits, or he’s highly unusual and no woman has ever understood and loved him. I tend to go for those men. I don’t particularly like this state of affairs as it doesn’t appeal to my egalitarian idealism but after what I’ve seen, I think it’s the truth.

Good Luck.

man and woman

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