“You need to forgive your parents no matter what or you won’t be free. You’ll become enmeshed and then will think about them and talk about them too much to the point of not living within your own body and soul. It could even turn to blame which is handing them power over your life.”-Lisa T.
The word forgive is two words; for and give. So, you give before you’re asked when you forgive. The people who give before they’re asked are in loving relationships. Some religions teach that the Universe gives to us before we even have to ask because of Love. I’m not suggesting we will be or should always be in loving relationships but we could try and tip the scales in their favor.
In terms of intuition, we’re focused on the heart as an organ. We’ve all had a broken heart and it literally is a closing of the heart chakra which affects the heart as an organ. When the heart closes the mind starts to go out of commission and we have all kinds of mental illness manifesting.
The deepest heart scars are memories of child abuse toward us by our parents before we even knew what anything was. This can come in many forms but they are deep wounds given to us by people we relied on for everything. Child abuse is most definitely part of the human condition and human history. It’s nothing unusual at all even though some people would like to portray a romantic fantasy about it not existing. Incest is very common as well, more than we know I’m afraid. It is still taboo and not talked about widely yet.
Given all of that as adults, the first people we need to forgive are our earthly parents who always made mistakes like all of us do. But maybe they were outright bad people! That doesn’t mean you have to be as their child. Learning how to forgive is part of that. If the task of forgiveness hasn’t been achieved, there is not much chance at all for successful bonding with new people as an adult.
Wounded adults who have not forgiven use all kinds of excuses for avoiding intimacy. A common one is they make sure they have more power in a relationship than the other person. If you warn them ahead of time and make sure you’re so powerful emotionally that you hurt the opposite gender first that’s one of their tricks. Another trick is faking appeal to another person’s desire for you and pretending you desire them just to get superficial sex out of them the way you want it…at a distance. Then tell them they’re so hot that you hope they’ll never let the ship sail, then reject them first, sail the ship yourself, and see if they’ll go away or hope they’ll go away. These are games of a weak, wounded person. And they never tell the truth.
Not only that, they do not care about what you want or need and make it obvious by playing games. But they will keep telling you what a great person you are appealing to your ego until they want to teach you a lesson and stomp on you. It’s best to extricate yourself before then which means they don’t have you by the ego. All of this is a waste of time and they can’t really draw you in if you are grounded in your center. Simply cut them off and figure out how they got your attention so it doesn’t happen again. The usual lure is lust, at least it is for me. Just keep track of not so much what they say but what they do.
All I know is it’s a turn-off and I’m staying away. These are very manipulative people that had to learn to manipulate adults to survive and to get their way as children. They need a lot of therapy and they have not forgiven their faulty parents! This is what a lack of forgiveness does to the mind. So their cleverness is fully engaged in survival, profit, cynical, and not the least bit interested in reciprocity or love with the opposite sex. It could even turn to narcissism and likely does.
You might want to do some self-inventory and make sure your motivation for work and action in life is detached. Otherwise, you need to do some more forgiveness. Review those types of Platonic Love I posted about and decide that you’re not going to participate with others who are not loving. It may mean celibacy and not as much of a social life but it’s worth it for your health of body and mind.