by Lili Loofbourow
“One of the compliments girls get most as kids is that they’re pretty; they learn, accordingly, that a lot of their social value resides in how much others enjoy looking at them. They’re taught to take pleasure in other people’s pleasure in their looks. Indeed, this is the main way they’re socially rewarded.
This is also how women are taught to be good hosts. To subordinate their desires to those of others. To avoid confrontation. At every turn, women are taught that how someone reacts to them does more to establish their goodness and worth than anything they themselves might feel.”
I hope you clicked on the link above and at least skimmed this article. I found it to be another one of those disturbing ones. This quote from the article, for instance, is very true. But I have never chosen to be with the type of man that would be that inconsiderate of my body. Is the author suggesting that women don’t have a choice in the type of partner she chooses? That’s ludicrous.
“I wish we lived in a world that encouraged women to attend to their bodies’ pain signals instead of powering through like endurance champs. It would be grand if women (and men) were taught to consider a woman’s pain abnormal; better still if we understood a woman’s discomfort to be reason enough to cut a man’s pleasure short.”
I wouldn’t give a man with this type of attitude the time of day. I might even give him some grief! Men don’t have the right to cause us any type of pain and we don’t have the right to cause them any type of pain either! This is a human issue.
My nineteen-year-old son swears to me that his generation has quite a different attitude toward sex. Yet, as his mother, I really have never found him to be terribly respectful of me as a female. He learned that from his hippie generation father who had mama issues.
“But those aren’t actually the lessons society teaches — no, not even to “entitled” millennials. Remember: Sex is always a step behind social progress in other areas because of its intimacy.”
I’m not sure what she means here but it could have to do with the expression of emotions. That is something that you definitely are raised to do or not do. My son has always expressed his feelings so I can only hope he will listen to his female partners’ feelings as well. I can’t imagine it to be any other way, but who knows.
This article is well worth the read and I’m still chewing on it. The short of it is that woman’s intuition needs to come UP when it comes to her body. The days of patriarchy and misogynist men dictating to us our physical reality are ending. It needs to end! I have never hesitated to speak up and communicate what I like and what I want to my male partner and have had a pretty good sex life because of that. I notice that as I take care of my body better and can move better, I feel more confident. All of that is completely within my control and I encourage women to take care of themselves, focus on what they want for their bodies and move forward with that instead of blaming men and society for issues that are fully within their control if they’ll just focus their will and mind.