I don’t know if living with a male ages a woman or not living with a male ages a woman. It depends right? I’m not suggesting that men don’t have intuition. My empirical observation is that women are just more experienced with intuition and more accepting of it than men are. It’s more of a fact of nature to me than anything. Maybe we’ve evolved the trait over time. Nevertheless, my radar was on last night.
I had a date last night for the first time in a year; with a man. The synchronicity about it was, the same day, I had been contacted by the fellow I had last dated ten months ago and had been fairly traumatized by actually. That’s a long story and I don’t think that there is ever one person responsible for the trouble in a relationship, but I have more scruples than he does; for sure. His call was trying to create a pretext for seeing me again by pretending he cared about my book when I didn’t even ask him for help (he’s an editor). The short of it is, I called him out on the emotional mess he left of “he and I” and told him “bon voyage” even though he doesn’t really have the guts to move out west by himself as he said he would back in October, which he used as an earlier excuse not to see me anymore. Or maybe, since today is his birthday, he thought I would be schmuck enough to make him a birthday pie as I did last year. Not a chance in hell buddy.
I’m not sure if my scruples are a problem or not when I have a lover. I feel like it makes me “unbedable” in a way because I value love. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I just like love and bonding, not hookups and this last fellow was the one responsible for taking it too fast. He was like a wild monkey. That would be hot if he also cared about me but because he didn’t, he pissed me off. I’m an intelligent human being with a heart and mind not a chimp in the jungle. Sex alone does nothing for me. I digress. He’s done for.
Maybe I’m somewhat old-fashioned, but telling the truth would be good for starters. His profile said that he was 50 years old. Since we were in a Chinese restaurant looking at the placemat with Chinese animals per year of birth, I asked him what year he was born. The answer, “1961”. The dude was 56. I need to date a younger man, like 45-54 because of my attitude and look. Two doctors in the last two months said they thought I was forty so I’m not in denial like some women, and I take care of myself, and don’t smoke or drink too much. Both of those ages a person.
He kept projecting all of these character defects onto me on our first date. It was truly repulsive. Harvey Weinstein’s face kept flashing in front of me. I told him the Kung Pao Shrimp was very salty to my taste but the flavor was good. When I didn’t tell the waiter that but said it was fine because I don’t care if the waiter knows or not, he chided me, “You need to tell the truth!” Really dude? Who was your last woman? A criminal?
I don’t eat much salt and Chinese restaurants are notorious for salt so it’s not like the restaurant did anything out of character. I’m not going to bother with it. But the first thing out of his mouth was remembering how proud I was of my work when he offloaded about his body to me in a previous phone call. Boy did that piss him off. Apparently, it pissed me off that he decided to go get a spa massage after I spent a half hour listening to and talking to him about his back and how my manual therapy work could help him. He wasted my time. The convo. ended by him saying, “I’ll just go see a massage therapist.” I’d forgotten about it until last night, so apparently, the purpose of the date was for him to throw his resentment and offload to my face. Then he very proudly asked the waiter to split the bill. It was abusive.
So here we are in 2017, where a kindly, very intelligent very skilled, cute single woman is being herself, namely me, and a guy who has been divorced by the mother of his three children who has obviously failed miserably in some arena is going to take it out on his dates instead of fixing his mess. I posted this before, but there is something emotionally wrong with guys. I think he’s going to die old and alone because of his ego. He can think he’s a catch, and he said as much, but by his behavior, is anything BUT a catch. Talk is cheap guys. Deeds over words. We hardly spent any time together and he was a major jerk. I will be sure to call him on it.
Mind you, his online profile was sparkling. My intuition told me to stand him up just from the tone of his texts. I didn’t think he would show up. So, I let him show up first, he texted me he wanted me to come, so I went. I should have listened to my intuition. He was a class A jerk, but cute. I don’t care about cute when the heart is cold. A cold heart is misogyny and I suggest you get your heart healed and fix your behavior before you date a woman who is not a hookup.
Oh, and he would have rather we met in a bar but didn’t say that beforehand. Spare me.