That’s a pretty interesting suggestion. It’s probably not a new one but I sure don’t hear anyone talking about that. It would mean that you crave the way a drug makes you feel not the drug itself. For me, it’s like craving a song I love. Music is food for me as is dancing or moving my body.
You may say, “Well yeah!” Pardon me if my realization sounds naive or conservative. I’m not. I’m an extremely liberal woman but I was born sober, so obviously I’m liberal intellectually, in speaking, and in friendships, not in my hobbies. I have never craved drugs and when I do try them they don’t affect me. Go figure. I’ve used alcohol, been buzzed many times and only drunk once. It does nothing for my feelings at all nor does it make my body change much, good or bad. I’ve used pot maybe five times and it doesn’t affect me. I’ve used different kinds of tobacco and I like the smell of it because it reminds me of jazz, but that’s it. I cannot relate to craving a drug to make my feelings change. That’s as odd to me as thinking that changing my clothes will change my personality. It’s extremely irrational and makes no sense to me.
I AM exceedingly familiar with my feelings changing though, a lot!! My feelings have always swung this way and that naturally ever since I’ve been a child. I am in touch with a range of feelings that as a professionally trained actor, I’m able to evoke or bring to the surface quite easily. So, it must just be my personality; the way my brain works. It does run in my family, being theatrical, but we are also counselors, therapists, and mediums. I’m also a musician. I come from an emotionally expressive family so that was seeded in my subconscious in utero.
What all of this is bringing to light is the fact that if you have an expressive art you can imbibe in, maybe those feelings you’re craving will start flowing and your drug craving may go down. We all need to let our feelings out. And what about sex? I know women tend to be more emotional during sex than men if men are at all, but more sex would be good for women then. Most women are as comfortable with sexual feelings as they are with taking a shower or feeling ill. It’s just part of having a body. I know this is diametrically opposed to men.
Men, I don’t know how you deal with your feelings other than drinking. My 19-year-old son tells me that men do get emotionally attached in relationships even though males don’t get emotional during sex itself. I know that the emotion of sexual tension that occurs when you’re attracted to a female is very uncomfortable for most men and FEAR is your big emotion; maybe even anger at not being able to control the woman’s sexual feelings? That was some inside information I received yesterday that was fascinating. So, let yourself “be” in a relationship, talking, feeling bonded to other males and females as friends are very therapeutic for guys. Also, just letting yourself feel the sexual tension with a woman you like. It doesn’t mean you have to take any major action on it immediately…I guess.
As a female, I don’t really emotionally need friendships as much as I need sex. I don’t think many women admit that but that’s definitely the case for me. Or maybe I’m just far more into feeling my body in its natural state than others are. So it’s more important for me to have a partner than many friendships…eventually.
I’ll follow this blog up with my intuition and findings on the sexual tension between men and women and maybe even women and women and men and men. That should be compelling and timely. The issue seems to be unraveling our society on all levels. It’s about time, right? This male fear and issue of emotional control are called patriarchy; then it manifests in forced sex. Nada. But are women really completely emotionally innocent in all of this? I really don’t know, seriously asking.
Is it possible that the psychology of sexual predation and sexual harassment is a form of sexual tension that is physically out of alignment because of pent-up feelings? Stay tuned.