I went out tonight to hear jazz. My friend was playing.
I was perfectly happy sitting alone with my sushi and drink.
Then I feel these tentacles pulling on me and then staring, wanting my attention, wanting to talk, wanting to come over. He was needy and lonely. I wasn’t. Why was he? How many times have I seen men like that?
He’d already struck up a conversation with me from two chairs down which was ambitious. He was smart and interesting fortunately and now we’re friends…I guess. Who knows? We know each other’s name.
I said, “Come on over and we can chat,” and he said, “I’d like that.” I was being a little indulgent as I tend to be with men. They’re like needy puppies. I really need to stop feeling sorry for them or thinking they’re adorable.
But I still got that lusty, “You’re cute” vibe from him after a bit and left to chat with my other friend who I knew wouldn’t throw that energy at me. Yeah, every guy thinks I’m cute dude until they start talking to me and find out what I really think.
I don’t know if some men want to use me to forget themselves, forget their wife who died, or to remember themselves. Maybe it’s all of those.
But I still feel used when all I wanted to do was hear music so I could just relax and take care of myself. I could have put up a wall. It’s partly my fault.
I have to take care of myself. No man is taking care of me and I’m not asking because I know the answer. It’s all different in middle age. A man owes me nothing now because I’m not going to have any more children. I pay my mortgage and all of my bills on my own, no help from anyone at all, including the government.
Why does he feel male privilege to bother me?
They either want attention, sex, food or talking, even from a stranger!
The last thing he wants to do is to take care of himself the way I do.
Maybe that’s just my generation.
And yet, the men supposedly have more of everything for themselves, most of the money, most of the property, most of everything. I’m not so sure about that.
But you still need more from a woman?
Why can I feel myself MORE without a man next to me? That’s curious. The fact is I do feel myself more without a man living with me. Unless it’s the one I really want and that’s another matter.
If you learn how to take care of yourself and share and I’ll give you the time of day.
Because I and many women like me have nothing more to give you guys that you can’t give to yourselves without you taking us down the river.