You know the saying,
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson
I have a new sense about it. If I love, anyone, for any length of time for any reason, my heart may break open but that is never a loss. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything by loving but have gained. My soul is awakened by connection, care, and bonding.
What I lose is what I did not need; belief that I control that which I cannot; others and their feelings in addition to my feelings. I lose the belief that I can control their movement, coming and going. I lose ego, loneliness, radical independence, no connection, cynicism, even resentment for humans just because we can be weak!
All there is in the end is love. People say that all the time but I really feel I come from love and will eventually return to love. And love is what binds me together with all life forms.
So maybe my perception is that I’ve lost a lot in my life. That has indeed been my perception. But if I’ve loved and learned in the midst of that I haven’t lost anything at all; I’ve gained the gift of my soul being broken open.
As a writer and an artist, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Now I have the rest of my life to tell stories and express how tragically beautiful that brokeness can be and how it’s the only path to wholeness.
No one gets to skate past being broken. It’s pretty much what happens to everyone on this planet. We’re equal in that.
Susan Bauser, Artist