The Problem with Adoring Each Other

Part of the new compassionate, Spiritual/Holistic paradigm is loving myself, loving my body, and experiencing joy in taking care of myself.  Instead of valuing sacrificial suffering that hails the hoard onward, I’m happy and grounded, even if it’s like a dried up sweet pea hanging on its vine. I’m stalking all of that in my life as we speak to make a case for spring in the middle of winter.  The assembled energy I have is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later. It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group.  They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.  I obtain energy from Source in me.  I just talked about that in my previous blog.  I live alone, have no mate and no boyfriend to muddle my mind.  I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.  In addition, my mephitic eighteen year old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans.  My peaceful environment is proliferating.

As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealously.  I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t.  I don’t.

It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in your body and owning yourself, that adoration doesn’t feel like its all it’s cracked up to be.  It feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing it’s paws into my chest.  Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.  When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a pet!  That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated.  He left me in the dog house neglected, but at least he didn’t bug me.  I know there are all the ideals about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.

“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!  I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.  I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home.  Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive!  I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.

What it reminds me of are the old paradigms of patriarchy and matriarchy.  Our current paradigm, patriarchy, is based on the man having the most power in every situation and he wants to adore the woman who is his goddess.  Well, I like the goddess myths well enough, but daily life isn’t so much a myth as a dirge.  So the woman is supposed to keep herself as this adorable object that the man possesses, like Melania Trump.  This is, “let him chase you and initiate action” belief.  In this paradigm, Meryl Streep, according to Trump, is over rated in every way and he’d like her to sit down and shut up.  It accounts for “Bubba” and fascist misogynist type men.  In my view, it’s repugnant-but there are all levels of men on the misogynist scale based on culture and economics.  They like to see a busty woman laying over the hood of a car and probably like to fix cars.  I hope I’m not being too biased.  They emotionally need women to stay beneath them, in a bikini, gratefully riding in the passenger seat.  There are plenty of women willing to do that because they all voted for Trump.

Then there is the very old paradigm of matriarchy where the woman held power over the man. I wonder how she did that?  Mind you, it’s no less imbalanced than patriarchy.  In the old days, the very old days, the woman held the most power in every situation and she wanted to adore the man.  So the man was supposed to keep himself as an adorable object that the woman possessed and bossed around.  It makes me shudder.  The belief here was, “Woman picks the man and she initiates action”.  That doesn’t sound very sexy to me.  It seems to me that some young women might be trying to swing back to that these days. Many women still operate this way.  I was raised to operate this way toward men and I’m really seeing it in myself.  I don’t like it, or the patriarchal way.  Now I feel stuck in the twisted middle.

So as I ponder the newly forged spiritual paradigm of gender balance of power.  I wonder how this is going to affect the evolved brew of sexual tension necessary  between women and men to make things burn?  I guess the birth rate will decrease as projected by the social scientists and more adults will remain consumers of single servings in the frozen aisle.

 

male-female

2 Replies to “The Problem with Adoring Each Other”

  1. So much to say here! Sometimes we expect our partner to fill too many functions, best friend, lover, conversationalist and that’s where relationships become territorial and possessive. You’ve given me much to think about in terms of the whole let-him-chase-you paradigm. One reason that women might do this is due to the sunk costs fallacy. The more time, atttention, affection, or even money (on dates) he invests, the more likely he is to continue wanting to invest in you. Considering that women bear children, it makes sense that she wants to behave in a way that will attract men to continue investing in her at a time when she cannot support herself and needs to invest her time, energy, resources in childrearing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You ve brought up something I forgot in the blog. Mating after 55 for both women and men is a whole other animal. Then again, many young women will refuse to rely financially on a man just because he father’s her children. Some won’t even marry. We’re in a social experiment.

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